We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
well you can't waste a boner
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
