I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
