How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
two words...techno handjob
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
