guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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