YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
