..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
