I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
