hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
