Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
