So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
