obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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