And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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