Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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