Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
