Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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