First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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