my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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