There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
