new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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