After last night, I could never be a politician.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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