he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
