dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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