hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
