We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
do herpes really smell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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