yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
