I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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