i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm too high and old for this...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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