ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
