do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
