I wanna bring you to show and tell
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
