I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
