You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
