R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
