You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
