I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
