i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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