I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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