You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
