My brain says no but my pants say off.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
