Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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