kristin has been a bad kristin
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
