You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
