Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
