I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
