OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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