Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
