Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Help. Why am I so naked?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
