i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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