ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
