my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
