She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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