kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
