i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
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I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
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I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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