It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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