how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
